Childbirth Expectations and Concerns

With the arrival of the baby the relationship between husband and wife will undergo a change. There maybe some initial strain and tension in the relationship. But there is nothing that the two partners cannot solve by making time for each other and talking things out. After childbirth each partner has his or her own expectations and apprehensions. Some of the things that men worry about after childbirth are:

• · Earning enough for the family.
• · Kind of father they will make.
• · Fear of feeling left out as his wife will be devoting all her time to the baby.

A woman too has her own fears and apprehensions:

• · Whether her husband will help and support her.
• · Whether she will have to take care of her husband's needs and the baby's needs.
• · Whether the baby will affect their relationship.

To begin with the baby may interfere in the relationship between husband and wife. But over a period of time these differences can be resolved. It is important to talk and listen to each other. Here are a few tips how to be a good listener:

• Pay complete attention to your partner, look at them and sit close to them.
• Do not think about yourself think of the other person.
• Listen to what your partner has to say and if necessary, say it to yourself again so that you remember it clearly.
• Clarify things that you do not understand or want explained immediately. This will show that you are paying attention to what is being said.
• Before placing your point of view wait for your partner to finish. Give yourself sometime and think over what your partner has said, before replying.
• Give advice only when your partner asks for it.
• Do not let your ego affect the relationship.

Not only must your listen carefully but, also, you must be able to put across your problems, feelings and point of view in an affective manner. Here are a few suggestions on how to talk:

• Pick the right time to speak.
• While speaking make sure you are taking about how you feel and about your problems and accusing your partner.
• If you disagree on something, then just agree to disagree, do not have the last word. This will make things worse; do not let your ego get in the way of the relationship.

Once you become parents, it becomes very difficult for both partners, to find time to spend together as a couple. A newborn baby takes up all the time of both the mother and the father. Though it may seem that the baby is affecting your relationship, it is not so. A baby doesn't damage a good relationship and a baby doesn't improve a bad one. It is ultimately up to the partners to find time for each other no matter how difficult it is or how tired they are. Here are a few things you can do to keep your relationship alive:

• For some time each day continue to think of your partner as your lover and not the father or mother of your child.
• Spend time with the baby together, play and cuddle the baby together. This will give you quality time together and as a family.
• Once a week ask a friend or a family member to take care of the baby for a few hours so that both of you have time together alone.

Sexual relationship maybe affected to a great extent once the baby is born. Since this important aspect of your relationship is affected this may take a toll on your relationship. As a new mother the demands of your baby, exhaustion, unhappiness with bodily changes after childbirth and the effect of breastfeeding on sex drive all affect sex drive after birth. Your partner may feel that you have only time for the baby and not for him. While you may feel that everyone is only making demands on you and you don't have any time to rest or to yourself. Making time to improve your sexual relationship will help you and your partner. Here are few things you should remember:

• There is no right time to restart your sex life.
• Intercourse is not necessary. Just lying together, cuddling together and spending time together can improve your relationship and make you comfortable with your body.
• If sex in painful even after healing then you should consult your doctor.
• The vagina is an elastic and supple tissue, which heals quickly.
• A woman's body was created to bear children.
• The human body has great recuperation powers.
• If you still feel that you and your partner are having problems with your sexual relationship then you could get counseling.